Are You in CRISIS or Transition?

Crisis: a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change -- a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.

When I was growing up, I remember hearing something about mid-life crisis. One thing in particular I remember is my mom saying to me when we passed a gentleman in his red convertible that that was his "mid-life" crisis car. I actually remember thinking okay, that's what he had to buy to prove himself to the world - to show off. But, in actually maybe he worked really hard providing for his family and the car was his gift to himself for all his years of sacrifice. Nah, it was probably to show off.

Transition Coaching

Please do not get me wrong. I would never want to minimize the seriousness of someone who is struggling right now with the difficulty of mid-life changes. I know for a fact that many people suffer from depression, menopausal circumstances that debilitate them, loss of interest, weight gain, etc. What I want to share is a more subtle enlightenment to this transitional time.

Are You in CRISIS or Transition?

When I read the two definitions above, I would be at an absolute standstill if I focused on the dangers, the dramatic upheaval of a person's life as opposed to passage or movement from one stage, state to another.

OK, so how do we move through this time of change smoothly, successfully, all while staying true to our mind, body and spirit. There are a few ways I'd like to share with you.

Acknowledge that there is indeed a change happen - EMBRACE IT!
Recognize and appreciate that this time of transition is a new opportunity to get things right.
Trust someone to have the "second" talk with you. If you were anything like me, you never had the "first" talk and if you did, maybe it wasn't done very well. Learn from a professional what your bodily, emotional changes are and what to expect. Don't allow others' experiences to tarnish yours.
Drop what you are supposed to do and seize what YOU can and want to do... within reason please!

I guess what I'm really saying is - it's all how you look at it. If you want to be in crisis, then instability and danger will attach itself to you. If you desire a peaceful passage through mid life then the energy you attract will guide you successfully and calmly.

Are You in CRISIS or Transition?

Midlife Crisis

Midlife Crisis Video Clips. Duration : 2.90 Mins.

Jimmie Morris, MA, LPC Counseling for Individuals, Couples, & Families www.JimmieMorris.com

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Midlife Crisis - A Look Inside at What Matters! Life Coach NYC

Midlife Crisis - A Look Inside at What Matters! Life Coach NYC Video Clips. Duration : 3.82 Mins.

Donna Deming, founder of BreakThroughLifeCoaching.net talks about slowing down to re-exam your values. Connecting your inner world with your outer life. Visit www.Breakthroughlifecoaching.net to find out how you can benefit from life coaching. Women benefit greatly by working with a life coach in midlife.

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Is it Mid Life Crisis, or, is it just another Life Transistion? From 'A Life Coaching'.

It feels like you've waken from a deep sleep (which was you life thus far) and now you feel like 'it' was a dream you are not completely satisfied with. You start to think, there should be more to 'it'. 'It' being life. You wonder why you're not happy, well real happy, sure you are content, but maybe you just don't feel that euphoria you thought happiness should feel like at this stage of your life.

You begin to ask yourself some key questions. Is this what I want out of life? What's my true purpose? What can I do for those around me who I care for? Is money important? Where has my life gone? Have I wasted my time? And probably a dozen more questions.

Transition Coaching

You go for walks and try to clear your head, but, your subconscious keeps asking the same questions. You start to think and convince yourself that you are going through 'Mid Life Crisis'. Are you? What can we do to move on in life?

Is it Mid Life Crisis, or, is it just another Life Transistion? From 'A Life Coaching'.

Rather than a Mid Life Crisis, it may actually be a reflection on your life thus far, telling you to get your life aligned with your values. Our mind continually processes our actions and our memories to check if they are in agreement with our true values. Think of it as a hierarchical set of guidelines, where values developed from childhood and through to adult underpin how we want to act, what we think and what we hope to achieve. All the actions we therefore do will either be in agreement, or, out of agreement with these values.

It's clear that the more we feel our 'it' is out of agreement with our values, the more we feel uncomfortable and reflective of 'what's happening' in our lives. In the average person this manifests itself in many ways, one example is a mid life crisis. In some individuals where life has been conducted in a fashion which is opposite to ones values some issues may even manifest themselves in ways which affect health, both physical and psychological.

Is it really a mid life issue, or, is it just a life reflective issue? I would prefer to view it as a life reflective time. Many individuals will feel this way during different stages and at different ages of their lives.

So what can be done? The steps to move through a life reflective time and successfully implement a 'Life Transition' are actually quiet simple. Basically; review your values, detail what makes you happy, and what makes you sad and refine these lists into co-operative items. Then work through a process to implement changes which will transition your life to make it closer to your values. You will be amazed at how much life will be both happier and more fulfilled. The following is an extract from the 'A Life Coaching' Self Life Coaching solution pack, specifically from the pro forma self complete worksheets, details are available here : http://www.alifecoaching.com/servicesselfcoach.htm

Let's start the process. The first and very important step is to know yourself a little better. Start by writing a list of 20 items in your life which you are not completely happy with. The issues should cover the following parts of your life :

Relationship, Career, Family, Health, Wealth, Personal,

Friends, Habits, Other

Once the list is completed, rank each item for the level of dissatisfaction this particular item provides. Ranking from 1 to 10 where 1 is a low rating and 10 being the highest rating i.e. the greatest dissatisfaction.

We would like to resolve every issue in life, although sometimes this could take a lifetime to complete, so we must be realistic. Endeavour to refine your list and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Now choose and list 6 items from the previous list which have been ranked 8 or higher. With this list write a detailed description of why, how and when these issues arise. Describing also how you feel when these issues are active.

Converse to the initial step we now review those parts of your life which bring you true happiness. Now list 12 items which bring you true happiness and joy. These items should once again cover the following parts of your life :

Relationship, Career, Family, Health, Wealth, Personal,

Friends, Habits, Other

Once the list is completed, rank each item for the level of satisfaction this particular item provides. The rankings are from 1 to 10 where 1 is a low rating and 10 being the highest rating i.e. the greatest satisfaction.

From the list above choose and list 6 items which have been ranked 8 or higher. With this refined list, now detail descriptions of why, how and when these items exist. Describing also how you feel when these issues are active.

After detailing and reviewing both the items in your life which bring you dissatisfaction and satisfaction, list eight items which you can change and which will bring happiness at a satisfaction level greater than eight. E.g. I will do more of this, I will do less of this, I will start doing this, I will stop doing this etc..

It is important to be very honest with yourself in this process. The list of eight items will be created as a composite of the items you are dissatisfied with and those items you are satisfied with. It is not important to labor over getting an equal
number of changeable items from each list, it is however important to identify items which can be changed and which you consciously rate as the most appropriate 8 items for changing in your life.

While the information gathered thus far is thorough and covers many aspect of your life, you should not take on a large number of life changes at once as the ability to effectively complete and handle this level of change may be difficult.

Now rank the Change items from the previous page from 1 to 10, 1 being the least important to 10 being the most important to you at this stage. From this exercise you then determine the 3 life transitions you would like to focus on initially.

After having ranked and selected the 3 most important new life transitions, you are ready to start the action process to achieve the desired outcome to transition.

There are two options to successful implement the entire process of reflection and change, one being to undertake the task alone. The most efficient way is to follow the process and steps in the 'A Life Coaching' Self Life Coaching guide as per link details above.

The other option is to gain help and support with a Life Coach through this very important time in your life. This could include help and support from a Life Coach by email, over the phone or face to face. Click here to see and hear Life Coaching options and view the media show on different Life Coaching styles, download times will vary depending on speed of your internet connection:
http://www.alifecoaching.com/websample9.html

You can review more on Life Coaching options and other very useful information on the 'A Life Coaching' website, visit http://www.alifecoaching.com, or feel free to email me at info@alifecoaching.com

Hope you enjoyed this introductory information on Life Transitions. Let me know if it helps.

Life Coach Leo
A Life Coaching
http://www.alifecoaching.com

Is it Mid Life Crisis, or, is it just another Life Transistion? From 'A Life Coaching'.

Midlife Transition - 5 Things You Can Do to Avoid a Crisis

If you are in midlife and are afraid of having a  crisis -- or are beginning to be afraid that you might -- what can you do?  There are many potential solutions.

 Seek professional coaching or counseling

Transition Coaching

Sometimes all we need to get through what looks like a 'crisis' in our lives, is have someone deeply listen to us.  Skilled therapists and often a great life coach - especially one with a spiritual approach, can be there for you in a way that you can hear your own answers. Therapy no longer has the stigma it once did and it doesn't have to last forever. In fact, if your therapist seems to be 'keeping you' in therapy, MOVE ON.  Unless you have had serious trauma in your childhood, you can be helped just by knowing someone else out there is witnessing your life.

Midlife Transition - 5 Things You Can Do to Avoid a Crisis

Notice your reactions and see if you are over-reacting

Just taking the time to notice and acknowledge that you are reacting can be enough to change the course of your life.  There is a difference between reaction and response.  If you find yourself flying off the handle, or drinking excessively, or spending more money than you have or getting into drugs or sexual addictions, you may be running from something in your life rather than facing it.  Midlife is an opportunity to really come to terms with your life and if you are avoiding the deeper questions, you are headed for trouble.  Even a good friend can often be a great sounding board to explore your new feelings.

Approach midlife thoughtfully.

Look back to where you've been. Have you gotten through touch times before?  I bet you have. We all have. Don't discount the value of your maturity and experience. You are most likely better equipped than ever to cope effectively with life's difficulties.

 Reassess your goals and dreams.

Are some of those dreams actually a hold over from your teen years? If you haven't been practicing for sometime already, you are probably not going to make the Olympics at the age of 35. Go and root for someone who can. And, be sure to look for some things that you CAN do now.  It's not too late to take up a musical instrument, for example, or to go back to school to get a degree. I'm not one for telling people to be realistic, because I believe we are capable of far more than we ever imagine, but it's important to 'know when to hold them, know when to fold them.'  This is a sign of maturity in itself.

 Find freedom in aging.

When you learn to be accepting of mortality, (really IMMORTALITY!), you'll start to truly enjoy the aging process. It's not over until it is over.  So, stop acting as if life has ended.  Maybe some of the things you used to do are not part of your life any more, but, I guarantee that if you put your mind and heart into it, you'll find things to be and do that you never could before. While science has come up with ways we can live healthier, longer, no one has found the  fountain of youth, Make today count. You can think of midlife as an end or as a beginning.  It startled me to realize that I still potentially have one third of a life to still live.  If I look back to the first 30 years of my life, for example, I hardly recognize or remember myself.  There's a whole new world out there and I'm excited about the possibilities that are open to me. Are you?

Midlife Transition - 5 Things You Can Do to Avoid a Crisis

Midlife Crisis, Change and Transition Are Not the Same

Articles and blog posts about midlife crisis and midlife crisis symptoms flood the Internet landscape. Studies show that fewer than 10% of the people in the United States had experienced psychological crises due to their age or aging, documented in a 1999 large scale research study. Male and female crises are not common, despite the media hype surrounding the use of these terms.

I prefer to use the term midlife transition, which is empowering, whereas the term midlife crisis is dis-empowering. I know the subject of transition well because I have experienced it many times, as most mid lifers have. It is, however, important to realize that both a crisis and a transition include change.

Transition Coaching

Crisis, change, and transition

Midlife Crisis, Change and Transition Are Not the Same

Crisis is an unstable situation of extreme danger or difficulty (online dictionary).

Change refers to an event which occurs when something in our life ends or is replaced by another event or way of doing something. Change is external; situational, like job loss or a divorce. It's episodic and happens to you.

Transition is a gradual psychological re-orientation we experience as we try to adapt to change. It's internal; it happens inside us.

A Different View

Dr. Fred Horowitz, a specialist in midlife development, asserts that midlife crisis is a "cultural story that is made up."

William Bridges, an expert in transitions, says that the more accurate term to use when describing the process that ALL mid lifers go through is transition, not crisis.

His research shows that there are three phases to transition:
1. Ending, losing, letting go - you let go of old patterns and ways of being. This is a phase where you deal with loss.
2. The Neutral Zone - the old is gone and the new way isn't fully integrated. It's like the "gap" that a trapeze artist experiences when they let go of one trapeze and haven't yet grasped the next one.
3. The New Beginning - you come out of the in-between time or the "gap" I refer to above. You are in a place where you can recreate yourself and create a new future for yourself.

Being in the Gap

It is well known that the Chinese character for crisis also represents opportunity. That is how the many transitions in my life have occurred to me. A case in point was my divorce. Although it was a major transition in my life, I never viewed it as a crisis.

I went through other "major" transitions in life. For example, I felt in the "gap," referred to above, after I completed my doctorate in 1995 at 48 years of age. I experienced a certain fear and anxiety about what to do next. I was now faced with a "blank canvas." What the heck was I going to do now?

How to Deal with Midlife Transitions

1. Allow yourself to "be" - to be in the space of not knowing, yet trusting that things will unfold and will turnout. Things always workout, no matter what drama we add to our lives.

2. Complete unfinished business of the past - take care of things left undone or unsaid; let go of resentments, regrets and remorse.

3. Practice the art of "being" - exercise, being in nature, meditation, breathing, yoga offer simple, yet practical ways of being. Find something that works for you.

4. Seek help from a professional like a coach, counselor, therapist.

5. Join a support group.

Midlife Crisis, Change and Transition Are Not the Same